Ned Beatty "really pissed" over the sugestion that the flu from pigs be named after him

Source of swine flu revealed to be movie set in Mexico city

Catholic priest practices effective birth control by only having sex with young boys

"I Love Lucy" remake is planned to be called "I used to love Lucy, but now I hate that bitch.", this fall season.

This fall "I used to love Lucy, but now I hate that bitch." will show in a prime time slot. Tom Hanks and Victoria Jackson will star as the estranged couple in the remake of the classic 50s sitcom. They will deal with the more modern issues of married life, such as internet porn addiction, painkillers, anti-depressants, and reality TV shows. "Basically it will be like I love lucy, but now I hate lucy because she took half my money and my kids after I started drinking and sleeping with bimbos at work."

Rye police department to station cop in every household

The city of Rye, New York announced today that it would institute its "Cop in Every Household" plan. "Today we plan to station an officer in every house in Rye, making this city the safest in the known universe." "Each house will be provided free donuts and extra toilet paper to handle the influx of a cop into each household." "We understand that adding a cop to each house in Rye will be a burden to some, but just imagine how much safer you will feel when you get up in the morning and find a cop sitting in his/her underwear eating rice crispies with you and your kids." "Or just imagine how much more discipline there will be when your kid is caught and tazered while sneaking back into the house after a long night partying." "These are just some of the duties that the cop per house program will dispense."

Cure for cancer lost on Long Island Expressway

Dr. Jack Kevorkian writes new "eat your way to death" diet book