Rye police department to station cop in every household

The city of Rye, New York announced today that it would institute its "Cop in Every Household" plan. "Today we plan to station an officer in every house in Rye, making this city the safest in the known universe." "Each house will be provided free donuts and extra toilet paper to handle the influx of a cop into each household." "We understand that adding a cop to each house in Rye will be a burden to some, but just imagine how much safer you will feel when you get up in the morning and find a cop sitting in his/her underwear eating rice crispies with you and your kids." "Or just imagine how much more discipline there will be when your kid is caught and tazered while sneaking back into the house after a long night partying." "These are just some of the duties that the cop per house program will dispense."