Cure for cancer lost on Long Island Expressway

Dr. Jack Kevorkian writes new "eat your way to death" diet book

Area woman wishes somebody would call...anybody

Area woman finds herself wishing anyone would call her. "I don't give a crap if you are a solicitor or making a death threat...please call me, if you are a man" area woman says. In an attempt to men get people to call her she has put her name, phone number, and a nude picture on the bathroom wall of a number of men's bathrooms in the area.

Mononucleosis named State Disease of Connecticut

The 118th congress of The State of Connecticut has declared that Mononucleosis is the State Disease of Connecticut. State senator Chris Fatima stated, "At first we just thought the name was cool, so we totally made up the State Disease of Connecticut title and put the disease Mononucleosis on the bill." "We especially like the 'nucleosis' part of the name and wish that more diseases be named with 'nucleosis' in them." "We started digging about and found that the disease is perfect for our state, because the symptoms match normal reactions to life in Connecticut." "Most people placidly go about their lives in this state, so its natural to feel a sense of chronic fatigue even when driving through this wasteland named Connecticut." "Let's face it, this state is a boring suburban wasteland leached onto New York...oh god please let the sweet release of death come soon"

Salt Lake city resident shot with taser 22 times for jaywalking.

Salt Lake city resident George Gregos was shot with a taser a record 22 times after jaywalking at the corner of Westin Ave and 5th street.

In an concerted zero tolerance operation between the Salt Lake city PD anti-jaywalking squad and the FBI, paid for by homeland security funds, jay walkers were treated to new law enforcement techniques that were prototyped in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Area Man stops all known forms of known human communication, starts barking and purring

After being laid off by the Molex corporation area man David Duvine stops all form of known human communication and resorts to barking and purring to communicate.

Follow my blog or I will electrocute a Dolphin

Seriously, this is a fucking joke. Nothing in this blog is true...except the fact that I am in New York now. So if you are an wacko that actually reads this and is motivated to calling the ASPCA don't say I didn't warn you when they laugh their asses of at you for taking this as a serious threat to animals. I couldn't afford a dolphin anyway. If you want to send me some money for me to buy a dolphin I will spend it on beer anyway.