This week the Greenpeace ship "whale warrior one" gave up whale warrior operations against the Japanese whaling fleet hunting for the endangered humpback whale and headed back to Seattle after realizing how actually delicious the humpback was.
Greenpeace Vice President of Whale Operations Greg Nseer (name unpronounceable) "Yeah they showed up drunk and eating leftover whale meat dinners. They almost took out the whole fisherman's wharf when they decided forgo to steering the ship after they got into Seattle harbor. Apparently the idiots tied the wheel to the captains chair and left the throttle to full deciding that everyone should participate in an orgy of leftover seared humpback and sake they got in barter for wasabi. They saw dry land and just headed for it at high speed"
Greg Nseer explains the dramatic scene as the Whale warrior one comes back into the harbor. "So we saw a ship coming into Seattle harbor at full speed and helplessly watched as they crashed right into the Fisherman's wharf. They destroyed a cotton candy stand, a stand that serves chowder in bread bowls, and even a fucking world wildlife foundation stuffed animal kiosk". "We thought what kind of idiots would do something that stupid? and just continued eating our vegetarian lunch". Greg laments "We found out it was Whale warrior one when the lawyers for the World wildlife foundation and the press paid us a friendly visit.
First deck mate Sage Rainbow-Holocaust explains details of what had happened on Whale Warrior One. "Well we meant well, we just got a little carried away when our supply of Wasabi sauce ran out so we declared a truce with Japanese flag ship and sent over a dingy to procure the wasabi for our vegetarian sushi lunches." She continues "The dingy came back full japanese of japanese sushi chefs." "It was incredible, we just watched in awe as they turned the ships shitty little galley into a full 5 star kitchen. It was like that Star Trek episode where the Borg cooked for the entire enterprise err....maybe that was some other show or something." "Anyway they served us this stuff seared with a delicious Gorgonzola suace" "I asked the chef if this was vegetarian and he just kept nodding and smiling...so I had no idea what I was eating ok!" "Everything was so delicious and we ate a ton of it." "After that I just had no interest in doing anything...all the colors were so brilliant". "The next thing I know I wake up totally naked and for some reason I had wasabi in my cooch"
Captain Swift Hunter elaborates "I think that the humpback is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten. If we could only shrink them down and farm them...we could make millions!"
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