Donald Caruthers of West Manasset Connecticut was cited for putting on a striptease display at a local Starbucks to the Depeche Mode song "Stripped" according the police blotter in the Cold Snow County Register.
In an incident viewed as "The 9-11 for Sheboygan Springs", village council members are hounding the federal government for more home security funding in the wake of the strip tease display. "Life will never be the same in Sheboygan," said village elder Gahan Slim. "Lutheran churces are overloaded with those in mourning for the part of their lives lost to seeing this man in nothing but his briefs." "I just want a piece of my life before back," said mourner Lindsay Leeper "to say this man's man boobs were just...enourmous would be a drastic understatement. Their impact on my life will be felt for years. The children will never be the same, there is an unspoken trauma that they have been a part of now." Red Cross volunteer coordinator Kep Catsgrin added "We get these kind of calls a lot. Some pasty skinned out of shape middle aged asshole gets caught up in the music and sometimes strips! Thats where we have to get called in to try and bring back a part of these peoples lives back, we have to be there to tell them that all is ok ."
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