Health Physics Journal finds that Old People are immune to radiation

The prestigious Health Physics Journal has published a story establishing that the elderly are immune to all types and levels of radiation. While Chernobyl data had previously indicated that there was a trend between oldness and radiation invulnerability the researchers making the study had died before drawing any real conclusions. This new series of tests, sponsored by Dupont, put old people up against critical levels of radiation to find no immediate ill effects in their overall constitutions! The test subjects later lost all their hair and died, but this was attributed to acute old age syndrome and disregarded as a negative effect from the radiation. The results of this study has given the go ahead to a series of nuclear reactor/assisted living centers planned by a prominent developer from Houston. He excitedly explains "Radiation is good for old people! This study provies it." "If we can improve the lives of old people by giving them the radiation they need and produce power for the community of non old people, we have a win win situation on our hands" He adds "Besides the old people seem to really enjoy the glow of the reactor core at night, it adds a colorful dimension to their otherwise gray world". Many critics say that using only a few weeks of data that is sponsored by the Dupont oil company is putting innocent lives in danger and contravenes many international laws. Also critics state that the chernobyl data only showed better trends for old people because the young were dropping like flys. The developer, Mr Neddleson, adds "Who the hell cares about a few international treaties? Scientists are so full of problems I can always pay some new ones off because they are such alcoholics and adulterers anyway. These ones I payed off for this study are as good as any of the others". He finally adds "By the time the law catches up with me on this one I will be so rich I have my own space station filled with genetic super humans and monkeys to protect me anyway"